The Scarlet Letter

As authored by Lari and Emi.

Once upon a time, there was Lari Potter. She was married to Jasper Hale, but he left....I dunno why, but he did. Lari was forced to move by her husband to move to Massachusetts and there she met a guy she "loved."

Lari was all alone in this strange society, but then she met Wentworth. He was a pretty smart and religious guy. He was respected by pretty much everyone he knew.

All of a sudden, Lari, the strange newcomer, become pregnant. Everyone wondered who the father was, but she wouldn't say a word. She was the talk of the town for months afterward. She isolated herself to avoid the sneers and jabs by the other townspeople until her baby was born.

Then the mayor was all like, "Dude, you're a cheating whore. You gotta wear this scarlet letter a for adultery." and Lari obeyed.

"You can never take it off. If you do, some weird, ominous thing will happen that I don't feel like explaining because the writer was really lazy about this in the original."

"Alright," Lari agreed, then stuck the scarlet letter to her shirt. "It's a pretty color," she admired its shininess.

Then, she was roughly picked up and put on a pedestal. Most of the people in the town came up to her and started yelling, "Who did it? Who made you pregnant?"

"YOUR MOM!" Lari yelled, not wanting to reveal his identity. "WHAT NOW?"

Then, Wentworth came up to her and started interrogating her, "Please, Lari, tell us who did this to you."

Lari gave him an odd look, then smacked him on the forehead. "THE POWER OF ME COMPELS YOU!"

Wentworth recoiled from the blow. "Ahh. What did you do that for?"

Elsewhere in the crowd, a strange man walked closer to Lari's pedestal and stared watching."'Cause you should mind your own business!" Lari scolded him. Then she noticed the strange man and froze up, extremely distressed that she saw that figured in the crowd.

The figure, however, was not shocked. He went over to someone in the crowd and started talking, "Hey. What's happening here?"

"Dude, that chick up there-" random person gestured to Lari. "cheated on her husband with some bloke."

"I HAVE A NAME!" Lari screamed at said person.

"AND IT DOESN'T MATTER!" said person screamed back.

The stranger asked, "How do you know?"

"How do I know what?" random person asked confuzzedly.

"IT DOES MATTER!" Lari shrieked.

"That she cheated on her husband.", the stranger said.

The random person screamed back, "IT DOESN'T, ADULTERER! NOW SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP!"

"'Cause she had a BABY, she told us she was married! Well, where's Mr. Potter?" the random person explained. "FORGET YOU!" Lari screamed as she jumped down from the pedestal and tackled random person.

The guards came. Then, they picked Lari up and took her back to her prison, along with her baby.

"Let me help you up", said the stranger to the random person.

"Hey! This is no way to treat me!" Lari yelled indignantly. "Who are you?" the random person asked.

"I'm a traveling doctor. I was in some bad straits for a while, but I finally got out of it and I came here. I'm looking to set up a practice here."

"That's cool. I'm Sarah Prynne," the random person extended her hand.

"Awesome. I'm..." (I can't tell them my real name. They'd know who I was immediately. I must keep it secret.) "Queen Latifah."

"Queen Latifah?" Sarah questioned him.

"Yeah. Queen Latifah. As I said, I got into some bad things during my journey. For now, that is my legal name."

"Um, alright then. Wanna go get a coffee or something?" Sarah asked, obviously hitting on him.

"I'm sorry, but I can't. There's something that I have to do right now. Could you point me towards the prison?"

"It's right there," Sarah pointed in the direction Lari was carried.

"Oh. Right. The way that crazy-lady went. Thank you."

"You're welcome," she replied, a bit disappointed.

"I'm sorry. We'll talk later, okay? I'll be done with what I need to do soon."

"Alright," Sarah agreed.

"Here's my phone number.", he said, as he wrote something down.

"Coolness, here's mine," she said as she wrote a series of numbers on his arm in sharpie.

"Awesome. I'll see you later, Prinny." Queen Latifah, in all of his ghetto glory walked to the jail.

"Prinny? The hell?" Sarah was left wondering.

"It's a nickname. And a type of character from Disgaea. And- oh, never mind." Queen Latifah kept strutting to the prison in all of his ghetto glory and prestige.

"Whatever, dude," she muttered as she went off to Starbucks.

"Hello, Lari. I have something for you.", said Queen Latifah as he walked into the jail.

"No! You'll kill us all!" Lari edged away from him cautiously.

"What are you talking about?"

"Um, in case you haven't noticed, I had a kid in the short time you left me," she cringed as she imagined his response.

"Yeah. You did. And she's sick. She needs some medicine."

"Are you sure? You could kill us."

"Yes. Tylenol as a murder weapon. Do you have any idea how stupid you sound? Do you really think that I would do something like that?

"Yes?" Lari guessed, a bit stung by the stupid comment. "You're mean!"

"Just bring her here and tell her to open her mouth."

"No way, dear! That's illegal!" she stared, shocked at him.

"Oh, my goodness. You sicko. You know what I mean."

"No I didn't," she smacked him. "Fine," she held out her kid to him. "Do what you must."

Queen Latifah, aka. Jazz, gave the baby some medicine. She was immediately healed.

"Nice work," Lari approved.

"Now. Let's get on to the fact that you cheated on me. Who was it?"

"I can't tell you," she shook her head.

"I'm your husband. Why not?"

"Because it'd hurt him too much, so I'm not telling you."

"What? How would it hurt him?"

"I promised him I wouldn't tell. If I broke that promise..." her voice trailed off ominously.

"So... I'll just have to find out for myself." He looked around. "Don't tell anyone who I am. From now on, my old self is as good as dead. I am now..."
*dramatic pause* "Queen Latifah."

"Man, that's a shitty name. You could at least be Jasper Latifah," Lari suggested. "The townspeople don't know my husband's first name, they only know him as Mr. Potter."

"....Shut up!" Queen Latifah left the prison running.

"Come back!" she called after him.

"Why should I?!?"

"BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!"

"I'm sorry. But it all ended when you betrayed me. I'm leaving. Go back to your man candy."

"But he's-" Lari stopped herself before she could say anything else. "At least be Jasper Latifah, please? It's less creepy!"

"NO!"

"WHY NOT?"

"Because..... That's really my legal name for a while. There's a good reason why I wasn't here for a while."

"Really? Care to tell me?" she raised an eyebrow.

"No. No, I don't."

"If you don't change your name, I'll tell the townspeople who you are," Lari threatened. "And why won't you tell me?"

"If you tell the townspeople who you are, I'll kill your lover. And I won't tell you because you betrayed my trust. I was hoping to meet you here waiting for me, but nooooo....."

"You were gone for freakin' ages! I got lonely! And how can you kill someone you don't know?" she smirked.

"Hey, I'm smarter than you think I am. I'll figure it out eventually. And you didn't have to sleep with him! What about that other guy who used to keep you company?"

"What other guy?" Lari asked.

"The guy who used to threaten me and thought that I came from Illinois."

"Oh....how do you know I wasn't sleeping with him?"

"Because the guy was so high strung that he would have told everyone about it out of guilt."

"Ah, good point. Is there any way I can convince you to run away with me to England?"

"No. No, there isn't. I told you, Lari, I'm going to find this guy."

"Are you sure? What if I told you? Then would you come with me?"

"Would I? What do you think?"

"I dunno."

"Sigh. Lari...."

"Yes?" she smiled innocently

"Never mind."

"At least change your name?"

"No."

"At least tell me the other guy's name."

"Only if you go by Jasper Latifah."

"...Fine. I'll go to the courthouse tomorrow. Do it."

"I'll text you once I have proof you've done it."

"No. I'll take you with me to do it."

"Fine."

"Fine."

"Fine!"

"FINE!"

"FINE!"

"FIN!!"

"LEAVE! When are we gonna change your name?" Lari asked.

"TOMORROW! WITH YOU! AT THE COURTHOUSE! THAT I DON'T KNOW WHERE IT IS LOCATED AND SO I NEED YOU TO GUIDE ME THERE!"

"FINE!"

"FINE! WHEN SHOULD I PICK YOU UP?"

"Ten? How's that sound?"

"THAT WORKS!"

"Please stop yelling, you're scaring me."

"Sorry. You started it first and I was still on a roll."

"Alright then. You're free to go."

"Thank you."

"Sure."

"So... Where shall you be tomorrow? When are you getting released?"

"Around eight. I'll be at my place," she wrote on his arm with sharpie, then stopped. "What's this?" she pointed at Sarah's number.

"It is a number. You know what those are, right?"

"Yes, but it's a phone number. What is the meaning of this?"

"Yeah. Someone gave it to me."

"Who?"

"A random person I met."

I was in this as an actual SHARPIE!

Review? REVIEW!!! -hugs Laney- THANK YOUUUUUU! -worships Laney as promised in the mass PM-