I fail at relationships...

Me: I'm majorly crushing on Mike Goode*.
David*: (stares at me for a moment, then...) [CENSORED]! (whips out his phone - which he hasn't touched for the fifteen minutes we've been at the restaurant but will hardly put down for the next thirty minutes until I leave - and begins to text madly) Your timing sucks!
Me: What do you mean?
David: He just came to me today, and... [CENSORED]!
Me: What?! Tell me!
David: Alright, Mike came to me today and asked if he should ask out girl A or girl B. I told him I had to know who A and B were and... I really shouldn't be telling you this...
Me: No, come on! Who's the girl he's asking out?
David: Wait, aren't you still dating Ray*?
Me: No, I broke up with him a month and a half ago.
David: [CENSORED]!

That was two nights ago. Mike's been a mutual friend of David's and mine for years, but a few weeks ago, I realized that I was completely infatuated with him. My relationship skills suck. My first two boyfriends (David included, actually, but we're back to being bestfriends) broke up with me after two months each because of "differences in morals" for lack of a less offensive way of saying it. The two relationships I've had since only lasted three weeks each. My standards are pretty high. I don't randomly crush on anyone and I really do like Mike. This was the conversation I heard this afternoon, though.

Rich*: Hey, you know my friend likes you. I think he's going to ask you out.
Mimi*: Really? Who is he?
Rich: Mike Goode.
Mimi: Who?
Rich: He's a senior. He's in your third period...?
Mimi: Um... Oh, yeah! He's okay I guess...

I'm pretty sure Mimi (I don't know her actual name) is the girl Mike is going to ask out, but - I don't know if this is just wishful thinking on my part - it sounds like he's going to get rejected. Either that or the relationship won't go anywhere and he'll be single again in a month or so. But the conversation with David's been bugging me. I wasn't the other girl, girl A or B, was I? Because that would make sense, if Mike wanted to ask me out but was told that I was dating someone else. I don't know. I really don't. I fail at life. Please help?

*Names have been changed because Nefnee bleeps out actual names. PM me if you want to know who's who.

Good job changing names!

Anyway I suck at even GETTING guys.
But I won't go into much detail here... for various reasons...
If you (meaning whoever is reading this at this moment... hi) ever want to talk, I can (surprisingly) be serious. I can. Really. Straight face.
I say this 'cause many people don't believe that I'm a serious person... sometimes. I have problems too.