Funny Quotes

Its not the fall that kills you, its the sudden stop at the bottom.

"Helloo floor, make me a sammich!"

"Crystal roasting on an open fiiiiire." Crystal made up that song in biology.

LMFAO!!!

All: ¡Olé!

John Cleese: ¡Esta noche presentamos con mucho gusto información interesante acerca de...la llama!
(¡La llama!)

JC: La llama es una quadrupido...

[Michael Palin translating: The llama is a quadruped]

JC: ...Que vive en los grandos rios como el...Amazonas!
(¡Amazonas!)

[..which lives in big rivers like the Amazon]

JC: ¡Tiene dos orejas, una corazón, una frente y un pico para comer miel!
(¡Olé!)

[It has two ears, a heart, a forehead and a beak for eating honey.]

JC: ¡Pero esta provista de aletas para nadarrrrr!

[But it is provided with fins for swimming]

All: ¡Las llamas son mas grande que ranas!

[Llamas are larger than frogs]

JC: ¡Olé! Pero las llamas son peligrosas a su usted ve una llama donde hay gente nadando, usted grita:...¡CUIDADO! ¡LLAMA!

[Llamas are dangerous! If you see one where people are swimming, you shout: Look out! There are llamas!]

(¡Cuidado, cuidado, cuidado, cuidado, las llamas!
¡Cuidado, cuidado, cuidado, cuidado, las llamas!)
(popping sound)
¡Olé!


That was the Monty Python song about Llamas.

You know it really isn't funny it's annoying not to mention it just gets old. I get sick of hearing it.

Qoute:
So do I move it this way? Or this way? (make your own joke)

Tryna: We need a knife!
Tryna's dad: Use my library card.
(a couple seconds later)
Tryna: This isn't working.
Maureen: Use the cups!
Ashley: Put the cake in the cup.
Me: .... Tis CUPCAKE!

T'was Tryna's birthday today. We may have lost our game, but it was the best game we played. And we got really good cake.

What should we do?
Kill something! I don't know what but anything!

(after the pep rally)
Me: There's an egg in the freshman bleachers.
Volleyball girl 1: What?
Me: I said there's an egg in the freshman bleachers.
Volleyball girl 2: Like a rotten egg or a hard boiled egg?
Me: Well, it's leaking.
Volleyball girl 1: *looks* That's disgusting.
Volleyball girl 2: *looks as well* wow... This just proves that our school is filled with douches.

At A lunch yesterday...

Lari: Why don't we name things that make us happy?! I like puppies!!!
Lari: I like kitties!!!!
Lari: I LIKE CHOCOLATE!!!! Chocolate makes me happy!!!
Me: Sex.

Soccer Coach: Neary! Neary! Aqui! Fabio, tell Neary to bring the ball to the side and shoot it.
Neary: I SPEAK ENGLISH!

Why are you watching this crap again?

Instant Messaging a few months ago:

me: i gots typers crap
me: cramp*

All the noobs out there on youtube

OMG U suCK yOU Can't playz illl soooooooooooooooooooooo pwn u n real lfe.

Heard from a friend about his friend.

*runs into glass* Hey! I can work at Hooters now! My boobs hit the glass before my face did!

Rita Rudner - "I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult."

frogs are bigger than frogs.

Not a quote but a situation:
Charli spent the night at my house and she was sleeping on the floor,
My cat, Toad, was sniffing her and I threw a pillow at him so she could sleep.
She rolls over and opens her eyes a little bit later and there's Toadie, sniffing her nose.

WTF, TOAD?!?

I lol'd

ZOMGZ!!! that's from dA!!!!!!

"spider man lives!!!!"
-me

"you can say your a sex crazed pizza addict and if you say it right you get an A!!!!!"
-Frech class

"RUNNING THROUGH THE WOODS NAKED"

"I hiked up my pants to show that I'm serious."

--Crystal

"That... wasn't... bad.."
Lunch with friends, Kevinin knows what happened

"Where is the taco?"

"I don't want to play games."